Truly, Madly, Deeply

I am truly, madly, deeply in love with my son. Even as we speak, he's squeaking and talking to the fish on his bouncy seat while he hiccups and gives me the occasional toothless grin. This intense feeling of adoration is amazing. And I'll admit it; it's new. I wish I could tell you I felt this way the day he was born. That I, like so many women on TV and in books, had felt a magical connection to my child the moment I saw him. But like many moms (who've felt ashamed of themselves for feeling the way so many other women feel, but don't admit), I had to get to know my son first. When Wyatt was born, I was still in pain, exhausted, and scared. I could appreciate his cuteness and wowed by his very existence, but he was still a stranger to me. I had to figure him out, discover his goodness and be charmed by his personality the same way I had to get to know my husband before I fell in love with him. In the beginning, I was angry at all the moms who'd gone before me and hadn't warned me... I'm not angry anymore, but I refuse to repeat their mistakes.

But tomorrow, Wyatt William Kuhns will be 6 weeks old. And I can't imagine life without him. Maybe it's because he responds to me now. Maybe it's because he's awake more now, so I'm actually seeing parts of his personality. Maybe it's because I'm getting a little more sleep now that Wyatt has a 4-5 hour stretch at night, and my husband is so active in making sure I get some rest. Maybe it's because my son cries less now, and seems to have more logical reasons when he does. I'm sure it's all of the above. And I'm also sure that needing those things to finally get to a place where I melt in my child's presence doesn't make me an inferior mother. It just makes me an honest one, who's getting better abd better at her new job every day.

Here are some more pics of my strapping 12 pound child: