Public School Mom

I love that we live in a time and a place where there are lots of choices for how we educate our children. In just the relatively small circle of my closer friends and family, most of those options are represented. Public schools. Private schools. Online schools. Home school co-ops that blend classroom learning with home study. Full home schooling with unique, custom curriculum. It's an interesting time to be a parent. With so many choices out there, we have one guarantee: We will compare our choices to the choices of others, whether we want to or not.

Comparisons are natural. They can even be healthy, especially if we're in the middle of making a hard choice or a change. But, as with other hot button issues of parenting, comparisons on how we educate our kids can become polarizing when they aren't paired with humility and understanding.

I overheard a conversation recently that was full of disapproval concerning Christian parents who would knowingly send their kids into the public school system in today's social climate. As you know, I'm one of those parents, so it stung a little. It really shouldn't have stung, because I know all of the reasons that lead us to that choice. But, hey, I understand completely where they're coming from. With regard to the big picture, I have some of the same concerns. Kids are exposed to a lot more a lot earlier these days. My kids may be victims of peer pressure or bullying. They may hear conversations I don't think they're old enough to process correctly. They may come across a teacher at some point who has a condescending attitude toward their values or their faith. I certainly don't want my child "educated by the state" with little to no input from me. Dude, I get it. BUT. That's not really the whole story.

I've hesitated a lot about responding to this line of thought. I know that when people explain why they make a certain choice, it can put others on the defensive. (That's usually my first reflex, at least.) I know that many times, we overemphasize the benefits of our own choices as a defense against nay-sayers. We live in a culture of hashtag passive aggression. I think it's part of the modern parenthood landscape to feel judged, regardless of our choices.

So, as I share some of my thoughts on public schooling, I hope you can take it at face value. I'm not sharing my perspective on this to gain public school recruits or to bash other forms of education. I not only think the other forms are great, I think they're exactly where many kids should be! I'm just trying to help facilitate a change in attitude. I know some people think, in their heart of hearts, that we Christians with our kids in public schools just don't get it. If we got it, surely we'd pull them out! But, I believe we were each created with a specific and all-together unique purpose. I'm only responsible for the upbringing of two children. The only thing I need to know is whether those two specific kids belong in our specific neighborhood public school this year. So here are some of the reasons our Christian kids are in a public school:


"The System": There's a bit of a fallacy out there in some circles that all public schools are created equal. People throw around a term like "the public school system" as if it's all a giant maze of educational pipes that our children are thrown into haphazardly. The truth is, a child's school is defined by its people. The way it functions is based primarily on choices at the campus level. I can't speak to all of the public schools in the nation. I can't even speak to all of the schools in our district. But I know our school. We purchased this home, before we even had kids, largely because of its proximity to this school. Ryan and I have gotten to know the administrators there. We've gotten to know our kids' teachers. We know many of the other parents, and we know many of our kids' classmates. This isn't a blind "system" maze to us. It's one well-lit classroom at a time. It's a hard-working teacher that we hand-picked for our quirky son, because she's skilled at teaching outside of the box. It's a loving, high energy Kindergarten teacher who attends the same church we do and who manages to build a foundation of knowledge and achievement in even her lowest performing students with a combination of deft skill and genuine love for each child. This is what "the system" looks like at the school around the corner from our house. If I have any concerns or questions, I can address it with people - people we know.

Involvement: One of the reasons we know so many people at our local school is because we make a point to be in the mix. As a stay at home mom with both of my kids now in school, I have an opportunity many parents don't -- the freedom to volunteer in my kids' classrooms and be present on their campus. I mentioned a little about it in an earlier blog, but being able to do this is part of what makes public school so much more comfortable for us. I witness first hand that my kids aren't "in the belly of the beast"; they're in the care of instructors I respect and work to know personally. I'm not doing the teaching, but I'm right in the middle of it, sometimes in the classroom, and sometimes at home with homework and projects. If there's curriculum that rubs me the wrong way, I don't have to cringe in fear or stage a protest. I can communicate openly with their teachers, and more importantly, I can address the topics at home with my kids to give them my perspective on what they're learning. I may joke about getting rid of my kids for a few hours, and I certainly enjoy the perks of going grocery shopping alone and making mid-morning classes at the gym, but our experience is far from the stigma of just dropping the kids off and letting someone else deal with them. And when the time comes that we're up against some of the real concerns we have about the world today, it will be our involvement, not our withdrawal, that addresses them. That brings me, lastly, to our beliefs.

That Whole Christian Thing:  As a believer, my first and foremost viewpoint is informed by my faith. I know it's hard for some Christians to wrap their head around, but we don't see our Christianity as a reason to leave public schools. In fact, for us, it's a reason not to leave. I know that the Bible calls Christians to be salt and light in the world. That can mean so many things to so many people, but for our family, that extends into the schools. When you remove light from an area, you shouldn't be shocked when it gets darker. I think a lot of the issues Christians see in public schools stem from the great exodus of Christian kids and parents. If there aren't any Christian voices in our schools, we can't be surprised when decisions made at the school level don't reflect our values. I don't think God calls every Christian parent to the public school system, but I do believe he calls some. We're right here, on the front lines, being the community you want for your children. If the time ever comes when regulations change, and other choices are no longer feasible, I hope that my family's influence in our local school will be part of why others will feel safer there. And when our children enter universities and the workplace, I hope the lifelong friendships they make there are stronger because of the influence of families like mine in their friends' schools.

Don't let my reasons for our choice fool you. I have moments of doubt. Moments of fear, even. But, I know the Bible tells me not to operate in fear. I obviously have concerns about the future of our nation, and more specifically, the persecution of Christians that the Bible tells us is inevitable. But one thing is certain; I trust God's will for my family. I have to choose not to walk in fear; I have to choose to walk prayerfully down the path God calls me to. Because this isn't just about my kids. This is about Christ's heart for a generation. This year, at least, my family's role in that starts with the school around the corner.

Fifteen Days

Back to School can be full of big feelings. Teachers have to go back to work. Homeschoolers get back to having to juggle teaching and home life under the same umbrella. Some parents are sad to see their kids get another year older. And, there are certainly plenty who dread the added structure, homework battles, and extracurricular activities that fill the school year. There are adjustments after having a summer of sleeping in and taking family vacations.

But, there are a few of us with a much more optimistic view. My tribe treats it like its own national holiday. We function better with routine. We love vacations and whirlwind summer plans, but we believe part of what makes them special is that they're limited to a couple blazing hot months each year. Scarcity ups their value. And man, we can't wait to get back to a place where our kids' expectations for constant excitement and entertainment takes a long loooooong break. Welcome back to school, kids. Honestly, the next 9 months would be valuable, even if all they learned was that they aren't actually the center of the universe.

Last year, I posted a count down on Facebook several times throughout the summer. I was so ready to join the ranks of mothers with no more kids at home all day. My son was going into 2nd grade, my daughter was finally starting Kindergarten, and I was the opposite of sentimental about it. I was thanking Jesus for blessed freedom. If I'd been blogging during that period, you would have been treated to the written equivalent of a dance party. 

This year is just as exciting, but a lot about it is different than we would have thought based on the beginning of last year. Both of our kids will be adjusting to something unexpected, and maybe a little bittersweet.

Our son is a pretty brainy kid, so he started the GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) program at a new school last year. It was an amazing, rigorous program with extra funding and lots of enrichment options. We loved his teacher. He was in computer programming and robotics clubs after school. He told everyone he knew that he was in GATE, because he thought it made him pretty special. But, he isn't going back. We decided to re-enroll him in our neighborhood public school for 3rd grade. It was a difficult decision, and if I believed the school experience was only about academics, we probably would have stayed the course. But we believe the school experience is as much about community and friendship as it is about reading and math. We really like our community. We love that our kids are in classrooms with their neighborhood friends, and we deeply respect the people who run and teach at our local school. (And we're lucky. Our school is one of the top performing schools in the city. As it turns out, it isn't really that drastic of a change academically, even without the extra funding and enrichment.) His GATE program isolated him from his community to some degree, especially since that awesome program had one big flaw: It was in an area most people wouldn't even drive through after dark. In fact, a few nights ago, there was a murder right across the street from the school. So, we made a change. Wyatt was disappointed when we first told him, but now he's looking forward to being back in class with the kids he started Kindergarten with.

Kindergarten is probably my favorite grade. In fact, it was such an awesome experience for our daughter, that we've decided to do it all over again! Yep, our girl is repeating Kindergarten. It's another thing we didn't really see coming at the beginning of the last school year. She's not actually behind. She meets all of the grade standards. On paper, perhaps, it's a strange decision not to promote her into 1st grade. But we once again come to our belief that school is about more than academics. Neva was the youngest kid in her class last year. Several of her classmates were a full year older than she was. After doing some reading on the topic, we decided we wanted to give her the chance to be one of the oldest in her class going forward. We think it'll benefit her academically, but more importantly, it'll benefit her socially in terms of confidence and maturity. We had a rare opportunity to give our daughter an advantage, so we took it.

In 15 days, we'll have a 3rd grader and a Kindergartner. But who's counting?

The School Age

I've mentioned this before, but the first few years of motherhood were really hard for me. I felt blindsided by the true enormity of parenthood. I loved my babies, but I didn't really know what to do with them. There was never enough sleep. There was a lot of crying and meltdowns during those years (and not just by the kids.) I also had to spend a disproportionate amount of time dealing with urine and feces. First diapers, then potty training. I wouldn't even blink if someone told me the only reason they didn't want children was because of potty training. I would fully understand that logic. And then there's this: I cared way too much about how other parents viewed my choices. And, you guys, in those first few years, all of your choices are presented as hot button issues. It's RIDICULOUS. (I had epidurals. We circumcised our boy. We used disposable diapers. I only nursed for a few months with each kid, and found great relief from formula. We vaccinated our kids on a selective, delayed schedule.) SERIOUSLY. Why are all of the most judge-worthy choices given to parents when they're rookies? I had to read a lot of books and websites about raising small children, because despite what everyone said about trusting my gut, I felt pretty gutless. And yet I still thought I needed to justify every choice by convincing other new parents to do things the way I did them. I'm drowning; let me give you a swimming lesson.

I am grateful, therefore, that time marches on and that babies and toddlers don't remember being babies and toddlers. That's a gift, guys. And, those two alien beings I was responsible to keep alive while they learned basic earth survival skills are now 8 and almost-6. We have entered fully into The School Age, and it is glorious. 

I'm not really sure how it works if you have kids covering the spread. I imagine The Survival Years are tempered considerably by experience, but I'm not going to have another baby to find out. 

Here are my 3 favorite things about the The School Age: 

1) Conversation. My kids have a lot to say these days. They have opinions and questions about the world. Sometimes that can be crazy-making, but it's also pretty stinkin' amazing. They're smart and funny and insightful young people, and I get to be a part of helping them become grown-ups. I'm getting to know them now based on what they think and feel. My love for them is based more on who they're becoming as human beings, and a little less on the fact that they're mine and they have the cuteness factor of baby animals.  

2) School. I've always been a book nerd, so the school years are kind of my jam. I could probably write a book about my love of our neighborhood public school, and why we have our kids there, but that's a post for another day. (And isn't it great that God's plan for every family is unique?) My kids whine about homework sometimes like most kids do, but I appreciate how it keeps me right in the mix of their curriculum and their personal progress. I also really dig helping out in my kids' classrooms. I'll admit that I started because I felt obligated as a stay at home mom to be of service and be involved. Blah blah blah. I didn't really want to be that involved. But then I found out I actually love it. I get to work one-on-one with these rad little kids who I never would have gotten to know otherwise. And I get to observe my kids in a classroom setting and sometimes on the playground, so it shows me a whole different side to their personalities that they don't always show me at home. It's crazy-rewarding, and I feel like it's exactly where I'm supposed to be. But the school year also obviously makes me happy because I get a break from the kids. The days I'm not in the classroom, I get to clean without interruption, shop solo, work out regularly, schedule hair appointments without needing a sitter, and charge up all of my introvert batteries with blessed alone time. The school year is my sweet spot, man.    

3) Vacations. What's the difference between a trip and a vacation? Kids. That's what we always used to say, anyway. But, we've recently discovered that our viewpoint was shortsighted in the depths of The Survival Years. We can legitimately vacation with our school-aged children! The trips can be fun and relaxing. This has to be one of the greatest discoveries ever. "Family vacation" isn't an oxymoron anymore. And that means that while I love the school year, summer break isn't so shabby either.

The School Age has plenty of challenges. Thanks to our kids' growing opinions and interests, our days can be crazy busy during some seasons. Extracurricular activities are both a blessing and a curse. School aged kids are experts at fighting and arguing. They can be manipulative and sometimes they even lie. They're now capable of most of the same sinful junk we adults are. Raising school aged kids requires a lot of thinking and a lot of praying, because they're actually going to remember how these years went down. But they're also capable of big good things like kindness, generosity, and genuine helpfulness that doesn't double the time it takes you to get things done. And you know what?
They know us better than they used to, too. It feels good to be known by my people.

These years are the best years so far. I can't wait to see what's next. I don't want my kids to slow down or stop growing up. Onward and upward, baby.