"Everyone has a right to their own opinion." I've heard this phrase used as defensive strategy on forums, message boards, and Facebook posts more times than I can count. The phrase, on its own, is true. Its context, however, is questionable. If you need to say it in defense, you're probably committing social suicide. Newsflash: sometimes your opinions need to stay tucked in your head, all warm and cozy-like. We have the right to do all sorts of things. We also have brains, which are supposed to help us choose our words wisely.
Social etiquette is about people skills. Making and (gasp) keeping friends. A lot of people in the social media age have forgotten some very basic truths about human nature. Little things, like how being a jerk is not helpful, funny, or socially beneficial to you as a human being. And how you can't unsay something, especially when you've broadcast it on the Internet. We've probably all fallen into these categories at different times, but a select few live here. I'm not scolding anyone for the occasional lapse. I've admittedly done all of these things without meaning to. But we could all brush up on our social skills from time to time.
1) Drive-By Debbie Downer: "We finally taught Janey how to pump her legs when she swings! Yea! No more pushing! Go, Janey!" Drive-By Debbie Downer's comment might be: "We don't really believe in swings. They're actually a leading cause of playground injuries, so I avoid parks with swings, for the safety of my children." Or perhaps, "You should really treasure the time you have to push Janey on the swings. Don't be in such a hurry for her to grow up! :)" Don't let the smiley face fool you. The second one almost looks like a helpful tidbit. Well, except for purposely inflicting mom-guilt and throwing a wet rag on Janey's accomplishment. Thanks so much for stopping by. After this kind of comment 42 times, Drive-By Debbie Downer has finally been delegated to a higher privacy setting.
2) Viva La Revolution Vick: He is passionate. He is angry. He will rage against the machine daily with links and quotes and manifestos. Our beliefs make him sick. He doesn't really know what most of us actually believe or who we voted for, but he knows we need to learn to think like he does. Did I mention that none of us have even seen Viva La Revolution Vick in fifteen years? Yeah, he's the first guy we'll go to when we want an opinion on politics. After all, he's clearly established himself as a wise member of our inner circle. Just unsubscribed from Viva la Revolution Vick's feed. Spout away to your empty arena, Vick.
3) TMI Tina: Okay, it's not so much her opinions that need to be reigned in as her grossly inappropriate collection of public diary entries. TMI Tina needs to either cut her friends list by about 300, or learn how to use her privacy settings. How do you know she doesn't use her privacy settings? Because you know you wouldn't make that cut, if she were actually filtering the information. Whether it's shared pictures of a questionable growth on her back, or just an inside look at the rapid deterioration of her marriage, the one thing we know for sure is that it's none of our business. And we'll never get to a place in our relationship with TMI Tina where what she's saying would be appropriate for us to hear, because we don't trust her enough not to broadcast our business in the same way she broadcasts her own. Call your Mom, Tina. Leave the rest of us out of it.
The truth is, we are judged daily by what we do and say. It is human nature to assess a situation and act according to our assessment. That's what "judgement" is. So before you ask us not to judge you, take a moment to use a little of that judgement, yourself. You may discover that your social life, your reputation, and your family dealings will all look a little bit better. Or, at least, a heck of a lot healthier.
