I'm a Prideful, Self-Righteous Jerk



You are currently being judged by the cupcake princess.

 I don't know about you, but I get really annoyed when I feel like someone is being self-righteous. I cringe when people can't let others have an opinion different than theirs without getting defensive or smug. I roll my eyes when people talk about choices they make that they deem superior to the choices I've made. You know what I mean, right? Sure.

But, um, I totally do it too. That stuff I mentioned in the last paragraph? Yeah, totally guilty. I have a self-righteous streak. I get a little defensive when I feel like someone has a different opinion than I do. (And, I probably call them self-righteous for disagreeing with me.) Sometimes my responses are smug and full of "righteous" indignation. And I totally judge other parents sometimes when they make choices for their kids that don't seem wise. (Or, I judge them for being paranoid and obsessive -and yes, self-righteous -when they make choices that are technically "better" than mine.)

The truth is, I think most of us are prideful, self-righteous jerks at least part of time. We may never tell a soul what we're thinking. Or, we may be the type to talk about it. A lot. But I doubt any of us are exempt. And really, if you're reading this and patting yourself on the back because you never do, say or think these things, welcome to the group. That was self-righteous, too.

We've all heard of the notion that we're quicker to see (and judge) weaknesses in others that we have ourselves. Totally true. But, I'll expand on that in the name of self-righteous jerks everywhere: We're even more likely to judge a weakness in someone if it's one we're prone to, but have mastered (or at least feel like we've mastered at the time). Especially because we think maybe we can change their ways if we shame them into wanting to change. Sound familiar? No? Sure, okay.

So, how do you handle it when the smugness starts to get the better of you? These are the tools I use: (I'll probably silently mock you if you don't use them, too.)

1. Self-deprecating* humor. There's nothing more useful to diffuse take-yourself-way-too-seriously disease like learning to make fun of yourself. Try it. You'll like it. (*Note: self-deprecating humor is different than self-hatred. If this method causes a spiral into depression and self-loathing, discontinue use immediately.)

2. The ol' put yourself in their shoes trick. Seriously. Sometimes we get a little too comfortable seeing the world from our own point of view. Ask yourself what about their life is different than yours. (Stuff that's out of their control, please... otherwise you're missing the point.) You may find that the reason they can't be like you is because (gasp) their life/children/resources, etc. are different than yours. It's true. That effects stuff.

3. Mirror, mirror on the wall... If neither of those seem to work, I have your trump card. Look in the mirror. Hopefully you'll see a couple things. First, that the smug look on your face is ugly as hell. Second, that maybe you have a few (minor, tiny, almost invisible, but still...) flaws of your own. Recognizing the stuff you've yet to master should soften up that view considerably.

If after trying all three of my tools for killing the evil smug beast, you're still pretty sure you're a little better than most people, I give up. There's no help for you. You're a prideful, self-righteous jerk. I'll be the one who mastered that weakness, watching you with a smug look on my face.  

Oh, the Drama! Getting "Unfriended" on Facebook.

Are you one of those people that gets offended if you find out someone dropped you from their Facebook friends list? Yeah, get over it.

Yesterday, I took a long hard look at my list and cut about 30 people. (The very phrase "cut people" sounds like we're all trying out for coveted positions on competitive teams.) I'll be honest. I wanted to trim it down by more. I still might. I don't love the fact that there are so many people in my supposed social sphere, because let's face it; there AREN'T.


Completely unoffensive reasons to strip someone of Facebook Friend status:


1)  I wouldn't even recognize you on the street if we bumped into each other.
 
2)  We don't actually communicate. In any fashion. At all. 

3)  We don't even communicate much with that friend in common who was the only key to our virtual friendship in the first place. Was that trip to Vegas three years ago when we danced in the same vicinity one night really that meaningful?

Moderately uncomfortable (but still not offensive unless you're deeply insecure) reasons to strip someone of Facebook Friend status:

1)  Inappropriate comments and/or status updates. I realize this is subjective, but if I sense a creepiness factor, even if it's just because I don't know you well enough to realize you were being sarcastic and/or ironic, you should not be offended if you get cut. (See, "I just don't know you well enough" above and get over it.)

2)  Politics/Religion/Etc. No, no, no. I absolutely do not trim my list based on political or religious affiliations. I'm a big fan of balance. Of intelligent debate. Of putting the shoe on the other foot. BUT. If we aren't very close, and the only reason we ever communicate on Facebook is to counter each others' points in political or religious discussions, I will tire of you. At that point, we aren't FB Friends, we're FB Foes. You should not be offended. (See, "we aren't very close" above, and get over it.)

3)  Parenting Shiz-Nit. Yes, if you overstep boundaries to comment on how I raise my kids, you'll probably get unfriended. If we're actually friends, we already talk about these things privately and have no reason to discuss them on Facebook. If we're not really good friends, your opinion on that matter doesn't carry much weight with me. But the fact that you'd cross that line unsolicited anyway is just rude, so I'd cut you on principle. You should not be offended. (See, "we're not really good friends" above, and get over it.)

Totally, straight-up, offensive (but still better in the long run) reasons to strip someone of Facebook Friends status:

1)  Dude. I just really don't like you. You annoy the living snot out of me and I have to escape. I'm sorry that you think I like you. I really don't. It's okay. You can be offended. I would be, too.

2)  I only friended you because I thought you were hot at some point. Lately, you've gotten decisively less hot. You should probably be offended, but at least you're no longer being used for your looks. (By me, at least. I can't speak for everyone else.)

3)  You're a stalker. No seriously. You need to get help. Getting 81 notifications in an hour is not healthy. It's really frickin' disturbing. I'm willing to offend you if it means you'll seek psychological care. Or at at the very least, stalk someone else. Someone not related to me. Or close to me. In any way.

If none of these things apply to you, congratulations! You've maintained your coveted position as Shannon's Facebook Friend. For now. Lucky you. If you don't think any of these apply to you, but you've still been cut, read it again. You're in there. I promise.

What's on Your Mind?

I like Facebook because I'm a social animal. But, dang it, I wish there was a little less "share this link" going on. I love an interesting article or a funny story with the best of them. I like fun blog posts. (Like this one? Sure! Like this one!) But if your Facebook wall is just a collection of links and videos, you're not a person; you're a portal.

Maybe a qualification question would help. "What is your motive for sharing this link?" If you check the box for, "to make money", or "to help people learn about being more like me and less like them",  or "because I have nothing to say, but I want to remind people I'm alive," you'll be redirected to an article on link-share etiquette.

We're all guilty of it from time to time. I'm not addressing your one-offs. I'm talking serial link-sharers. If you share every article from your favorite news source on a regular basis, you may want to consider that there's a reason the other people in the world have not subscribed to it. They may not be as engrossed by it as you are. And that's okay! Did you know they don't have to like all the same things you do? It's true.

Oh, and mommy links are the worst. We moms are notorious for making ourselves feel better about our bad decisions by highlighting our good ones. It's mommy-guilt 101. Or, we make our own decision on a controversial topic or parenting style and then feel to need to justify that decision to all of our friends with helpful, one-sided, "educational" links. Maybe it's just a defense mechanism. The best defense is a good offense? I'm not sure. But let me just get this out now: I don't care if you did or did not circumcise your son. None of my flippin' business. I don't care whether or not you vaccinate your kids. I don't care what parenting style you have adopted as the one and only best way to parent. Okay, I DO care if we're close friends and you want to discuss it one-on-one. I DON'T care if you're preaching your choices to everyone you ever knew on Facebook with a "helpful link".

I'm not a fan of how the links go flying during election seasons either. Share "what's on your mind" all you want. Just, for goodness sake, let it be what's actually on your mind, not the mind of the random author of an article you found on Google while you were doing your "only show me what I want to see" research. Pundits can be helpful in wording things the way we wish we could word them. But how about you just quote your source instead of assuming I want to read 3 pages on why you're right and I'm wrong?

So, that's my take on it. I guess I've just shot myself in the foot if I was hoping you'd share this link with your friends, eh? ;)

I Want to be a Dancer!

Tonight is my son's spring show and preschool graduation. He's not pulling a Doogie Howser and finishing preschool two years early or anything. Just graduating from the 2yo class to the 3yo class. But regardless, there's a show. A show where they sing and...well, sort of dance.

Wyatt has been talking about the show nonstop. He has shown me his beloved stage (in the sanctuary of the church where his preschool is located) on multiple occasions. His teachers told me he learned the songs faster than the other kids and that he sings at full volume when everyone else kind of mumbles along in typical preschool fashion. It has occurred to me that when I tell him he's a rock star for using the potty in the proper way that he may actually believe that he is, in fact, a ROCK STAR. Or, you know, a cast member of Glee.

Part of me is thrilled. After all, I was a complete ham as a kid. I was the obnoxious child in the chorus who'd purposely mess up choreography because I knew everyone would look at me whether they wanted to or not. ATTENTION, PLEASE! Look at ME! I starred in my first school musical when I was in the 4th grade. I liked the spotlight. A LOT. So, naturally, seeing a little of me in him warms my heart.

On the other hand, I'll admit to the cliched sit-com theme. We're a red blooded American family. My husband played football. There's a certain assumption that Wyatt will be a jock. I know it's a stereotypical dilemma, but it's ours nonetheless. What if our son doesn't want to be just like his dad? What if he wants to be an actor? Or (gasp) a writer? (A blogger? Oh, heavens, no!) What if he gets his dad's broad shoulders and my family's height, and then he uses them on the stage instead of in the NFL?

Or worse; what if he goes into SALES? 

Amazon isn't Paying Me, I Swear.

I remember rolling my eyes when a friend of mine started talking about how much he loved his Kindle. As a die hard bibliophile, I found the idea of digitizing literature a little obnoxious. But sometimes I'm a slow adapter. I had the same reaction to MP3 players. I like the smell of books. The paper. The glue of the binding. I like the weight of a book in my hand. I honestly couldn't imagine enjoying a good book any other way.

Last Christmas, I finally decided to give the Kindle a try. Why? I actually have no idea. I was out of ideas for what I wanted for Christmas. I was pretty sure no one was going to foot the bill for an Audi Q7, so went with an easy book reader's request. I half expected to shelf the thing. (After all, I've certainly shelved a few books I thought I wanted to read in my day, right?)

But here's the thing. I immediately started reading more. There's something about getting books immediately for less. There's something about even the biggest books being lightweight. Packing multiple books into one place without having to haul around a library. Yes, I started reading more. Not just a little more. A lot more. About four times more.

So, am I more of a bibliophile for having 500 books in my library, or for actually reading them all on my Kindle?

The Great Blog Revamp of 2011

One of the least interesting things to read in the world is the inner workings of a writer's head. I was all set to explain, in depth, why I'm changing up my blog and starting fresh. Why I've decided that I want to be an actual blogger, not a housewife with a web page that gets updated every few months. (Did I really just refer to myself as a housewife?) That when it takes six months to get to your next blog post, something has to give. But as I started typing all about my thoughts on the subject, I put myself to sleep. Literally. Okay, not literally. (Don't you hate it when people use that word wrong?) But I was too bored to finish writing. And so, here you have it: the general idea. I've gone back to the original name. I'll be posting again shortly. It might even be about something interesting... or something that offends you... or something you totally agree with. (With which you agree... yes, I know. I know.) You get it. 'Nuff said.